A happy, hearty “piss off and a Merry Christmas” to all you neon-colored, flippy-haired, sandal wearing, auto-tuned, AWFUL bands out there. No more hiding behind unnecessarily stupid band names or foil-stamped American Apparel hoodies. It is because of you that music scenes in almost every city are deteriorating into mass decay, due solely to your unbearably bad music. It’s also your fault that the economy sucks and that Osama Bin Laden is still alive. No more lies!

I hereby publicly vow to destroy you and your kind. Armed with missles filled with rock and roll artillery and the righteousness and wisdom of St. Joe (Strummer) and the pagan god Valient Thorr, your blasphemous disco revival must be stopped by any means necessary. You know who you are and you have nowhere left to hide. I will find you, silence you, and destroy your aural weapons of mass de-suck-tion. What you play is not music. It is sonic murder. You will fall, one by one, into oblivion. You must pay for the damage you’ve done and I am your death dealer. Say your prayers. Your time is up.

Yours truly,

Christian – xoxo