The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of unexpected happenings and, overall, pretty overwhelming for me. I finished my book, self-published a test run of said book, got some amazing feedback, scored a pretty rockin’ literary agent/manager who really believes in my writing, am in the process of finalizing several record, booking and publishing deals for a few of my bands, have bands finishing up tracks in the studio that will be shopped to other labels, and am wrapping up some initial tour plans for the year. I’m fully ready for the challenge. It’s time.
Ever feel like you’ve been treading through thick mud with your head barely above the muck? Sometimes it feels that way in my business. Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes it all happens at once. That’s just how it is. Luck of the fucking draw in a sea of empty promises. But somehow I feel like the time has come to march on. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to fill in where before there was no hope. This is exactly why I do what I do. It’s a thrill. It’s a gamble that often times doesn’t pay off. But when you start to make dreams come true, whether it is a much-wished for tour being landed, or a record deal with a great European label, that’s where my rewards lie. My reward rests in the fact that I am helping my friends’ dreams come true.
I’m writing this while I’m tired, so forgive the non-linear banality of this post. On a lighter note, I have been asked to participate in an online e-periodical called LifeAfterHate.org (launching January 2010). It is being administered by a very old friend of mine, Arno Michaels. I am really looking forward to contributing to this and opening the broad discussion that will no doubt ensue. I was telling Arno today how ironic it was that for most of my life I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle to save the world from evil, when in reality I was the evil in the world. Now, again, I feel like I am fighting a very similar battle.
My ultimate goal when I began writing my memoir was not to even publish a book. I fought hard to try and remember every detail purely as therapy for my soul. Let me tell you, it was a near fucking impossible task. Most things were difficult to bring back into memory and some things were so suppressed that I literally found myself gasping for breath and crying as I started to recall them. But the more I wrote, the more I felt like people needed to read it. Maybe some kid could be saved, or some parent educated. Who knows? But I’ve come to the conclusion that this book needs to be out there. The story needs to be told. And I am glad that LifeAfterHate.org is going to allow me to tell it and share my experiences. It’s an awesome idea and I’m humbled to be able to be a part of it. Thank you, Arno.
As a human race, we have a battle ahead of us, and it’s going to be harder and rougher than any one I faced while in the “movement.” This is going to be a battle of regret, against an army of ignorance. Our only weapon, truth.
